deja vu ??
All things take time. You must fill your mind and heart with something near and dear to you. It doesn't have to be another lover. First and foremost, fill your life with God and let the Holy Spirit be your eternal friend, "who sticks closer than a brother." Second, find your purpose in life, and put your energies into accomplishment. As well, don't try to extinguish altogether the memories of this person. Just keep them in perspective. You have the rest of your life to live, and you will be special to someone.
You have to give it time! If that person isn't willing to give you their time. They were never worth yours!
I just went to a VERY painful divorce..but guess what? I am completely healed and released from that person. I prayed this simple prayer EVERY day..several times a day and it literally CHANGED MY LIFE. Even if you don't believe prayer works..just try it..Also remember, regardless of what faith you are..Your WORDS have power: I thank you God that I am mentally, emotionally, and physical detached from _________. I thank you that I have forgiven them and that MY happiness is not determined by their successes or failures..In Jesus's name...Now watch your life change!
I'm 14, and 2 years ago I started seeing this lad, we lasted 8 months then broke up. 1 month later we got back together for 4 months, but that didn't last either. I still miss him now, but it seems that the more I try to get over him, the more I miss him and want him back. I'm trying to move on with a new life and new partner now, but I can't help but think that I'm missing my old life.
You have to try and move on, like I'm trying to do. Believe me, it won't be easy. I still cry when I see him at school, I keep having memories of us together, but I need to move on. It's the only thing to do.
I have been in love twice, and both times the person has not loved me back. The second also changed my sexuality which made it much worse. I got over the first person by:
- Finding someone else to love...
It seriously worked and it made me realize how much better I could be treated and I realized that I deserved better.
- Secondly, reduce contact with the person...
Do not text them. Do not visit their Facebook page (I know its hard). Do not go to places you may see the person flirt with others. This is the hardest, but sooner or later, you will learn not to care so much anymore.
- Thirdly, use your emotion positively...
I am now writing songs because of my heartache and helping other people on here with answers. I've started this today and I feel better already!
- Face reality...
When your alone at night and have an opitunity to think about them, think about OTHER STUFF! Go off on random tangents or keep busy.
- And yes: time is the healer...
The longer time spent apart, the better result. I say this, but do not leap into their arms the minute you see them again. Seriously, for the time thing to work; lose the contact!
- Be honest with yourself...
I was honest with my sexuality and feel so much more free now. Admit you love the person or tell your best friend about it.
If the person you love is your best friend:
(My situation both times) Do all of the above and stay away from them, and unfortunately you have to lose them as a friend semi-permenantly. Otherwise you will never stop loving them! Space out and fall out of love, then become friends again without the emotional attachment.
I am still getting over the second person. Good luck and I wish you all the best! I'm only 16 but I love to help in any way I can.
I don't know how to approach this one because I am not the mistress, but I have some idea of what might be if the married man divorce his wife and marry the mistress. If the married man and the mistress gets married, it will not be true love. The mistress becomes part of his life because he isn't happy anymore with his wife. After this is said and done, you as the mistress that become his new wife, you will have this notion of " what if he do this to me to?" If he didn't have a problem cheating, what do you think he might do when he gets tired of you. It will not be true love, but someone to be there for him when he needs you.
(All advice is generic and incomplete of necessity. Apply as fits, and use your own brains.)
Detailed CaseI am in a sticky situation. My love which I moved for from the East Coast and lived with for 1 year, has strongly avoided any future plans together (family, kids, etc.). He says he wants to be with me, he loves me, I am in his future, but doesn't know when - for sure not in the next 4-5 years, and he says he can't promise me anything if I ask him to be more specific. No kids in the next 6-7.. We are both 30, generally happy, healthy, educated. I love him and I am willing to wait until he figures out what he wants, and haven't had any abandonment issues with him until now. We had a big argument and I told him that even if I wait for him that long, by the age of 36 I may not be able to have kids. He said he understands, but can't promise anything. It's really hard for me to stay now with him and act as I wasn't hurt and disappointed. I am afraid if I move out, he would treat it as betrayal, if I stay I am afraid I could hardly act normal as before. Has anyone had similar experience? He's not ready, can't promise me anything, but doesn't want me to go out see other people or move out, because that's gonna hurt him and he's gonna leave me for sure..
[Comment:]That sounds like a threat. His love for you seems to be very egoistical: He wants to keep you but he doesn't want to take a risk to make you happy. And since he DOES want to keep you he doesn't want you to meet others where you might meet someone closer to your heart, either.
What should I do?
Basic line: you want kids, he doesn't. How did you ever get together in the first place? Did you just assume that if he loved you, he'd also want to have kids? Did he pretend that he wanted kids? Then you should leave him, unless you love him very much AND change your mind about kids. Here are some aspects that may help you change your mind:
- People only yearn for what they don't have. When they get it, they sometimes realize that it would have been better if they had tried to AVOID it.
- read the "Guys who actually WANT kids.." post
You've got to confront this. Hopefully you can do this together: try to get him to talk about why he wants to wait--what is he feeling? What is he scared of? If you two can't do it alone, you should try counseling. But if he refuses, then you need to confront this by yourself, which probably means moving out and perhaps breaking up. I'm sorry, that's painful, but you've got to do this for yourself. What he is doing is completely unfair, and extremely selfish. He is thinking only of himself, and if you both are going ot have a life together, that is unacceptable. Is this the person you want to be with? Is this the person you want to be the father of your children?
WHAT IS UNFORTUNATE IS THAT YOU MOVED IN WITH HIM. THE WHOLE PROCESS OF DATING IS A TRIAL PERIOD TO SEE IF THE TWO OF YOU ARE COMPATIBLE. ALL OF THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISCUSSED WELL BEFORE YOU MOVED IN WITH HIM. I DO NOT BELEIVE THIS GUY IS BEING SELFISH BECAUSE HE IS BEING HONEST. UNLESS HE TOLD YOU ORIGINALLY THAT HE WANTED THE WHOLE ENCHILADA. YOU ARE IN A PICKLE. MY ADVISE TO YOU IS CUT YOUR LOSSES WHILE YOU ONLY HAVE INVESTED/LOST/WASTED 1 YEAR INTO THE RELATIONSHIP. NEXT TIME ASK DIRECT QUESTIONS. MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT MOVE IN TOGETHER & THAT YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME GOALS.
Don't live with someone unless you're sure they want to spend the rest of their life with you. It causes way too many problems. Get married before living together, and make positively sure you want to be with them forever before marrying. And if you do, don't look back. Don't have the attitude that if it doesn't work out you can get divorced, because that attitued can cripple your relationsip.
Guys who actually WANT kids of their own impulse are few. Though I LIKE kids (I'm a guy), I don't want any. Here are some reasons why:
- Overpopulation. That alone wouldn't stop me from 1-2 kids, but it would stop me from more.
- Commitment. Though I hold to commitments I choose myself, I avoid and flee those that are forced upon me. I hate it when I have to do things I don't like.
- I like kids NOW. A kid's voice or even wail rings sweet in my ears, since I seldom hear it. I'm SURE however that it would annoy me instead if I'd hear it every day for hours.
- Kids aren't dolls. They're not just fun. They're bound to cause quite a bit of pain and trouble. With some bad luck, they can cause extreme suffering with very little joy (stillbirth, disablement, dying some death at a young age you could have prevented...)
- Change of focus. You're no longer lovers (primarily) but parents. If you want to be a lover more than you want to be a parent, naturally you don't want to become a parent.
- Time issues. Kids->more work->no or little time to enjoy kids. Basically less of everything with little benefits. I like to sleep, to read, to ponder. I'm a lazy guy by most people's standards, without a regular job or profession, though with good education and intelligence. I'd need to work A LOT more, and it would probably be work I don't particularly like, or I wouldn't like the working conditions.
- I hate the rat race. To reliably earn a safe pile of money, I'd need to enter it with a bad start and do things very out of my character. I'm not competitive, except for fun. I hate hypocracy. I avoid conflicts if at all possible, but I don't duck my head. I just leave.
- I don't trust society. I hate to depend on others. With kids, my degree of dependancy would drastically increase.
- I like kids. If I can't offer them a favorable environment, I'm not making any.
Now I realize that if you have a strong need for kids, even if you'd agree that kids are not the smart thing to do, you'd still be very unhappy because a strong basic drive is not satisfied. Do they have to be your own? If not, maybe just being a babysitter for kids of parents who'd like a time-out from their parenthood will suffice. And maybe you could get a pet or two. Or maybe you could just set off the pill, though you run a serious risk of losing him. You may even do it with open cards: "I'm not on the pill anymore. If you want to sleep with me, you'll have to chance pregnancy."
Another thing: before you make this a "do it or scram"-issue you should first check if you're even fertile. Though the chances that you're infertile are low, this would remove the reason for your conflict, and he can make you as happy as you can be without kids.
Well what is he moving there to do? And how long have u been together?